This Week's Top Ten - June 22, 2013

The new Billboard Hot 100 chart comes out tomorrow, and given what's in the Top 10 right now, I'm a bit anxious to see what will happen. There's some songs that I really want to break in, and definitely others that I'd be happy to see leave. In order for my opinions about tomorrow's results to make sense, these are my thoughts about what's currently leading the charts.


For those who don't know, Billboard has a rather curious way of designating its weekly lists. Sales and airplay are tracked for a week, with sales tracked Monday-Sunday and airplay Wednesday-Tuesday. A day is taken to organize the results, and the new list is posted that Thursday, but dated for the following Saturday, which I can only assume is related to the physical magazine. There's an example on Wikipedia using a hypothetical calendar year starting on a Monday which might help this to make more visual sense. Basically, this is why tomorrow's chart will be for June 29, 2013, even though it will be outdated before that date occurs.

I've heard all of the current top ten songs enough times to have at least some opinion about them. In ascending order, these are my thoughts.

#10: "I Love It" by Icona Pop feat. Charlie XIX
Weeks on Chart: 19
Peak: #7
Rank Shift: -1

Lyrically, this song isn't really my thing. It's about telling your ex that not only do you not mind him leaving you, you're certainly better off, as he was holding you back from all the stupid things you wanted to do, like crashing your car (I do hope this line is hyperbole even in context) and having a good time. I guess that's fine and all, but it's grating when studying gets interrupted by a carful of sorority girls driving by shrieking to this song, which is totally their jam and representative of their lives, etc. It's not representative of mine, nor would I really want it to be.

Does this mean I dislike this song? Not in the slightest. I will sing along in the car to this song just as hard as any [insert your favorite Greek organization here] girl. I may not party or (be able to) dance, but that doesn't stop me from liking fun dance music, and it's a fun song. It's just bothersome when there's a passel of people who are disruptively celebrating what, from my perspective, seems like kind of a hollow and petty way to behave... though, of course, it might be that they simply enjoy this song for what it is without actually making a personal anthem out of it. I can't actually judge.

#9: "The Way" by Ariana Grande feat. Mac Miller
Weeks on Chart: 11
Peak: #9
Rank Shift: +3

R&B-pop songs in the vein of Mariah Carey don't really speak to me, and considering that the song's Wikipedia article refers to critics comparing Ariana Grande's vocals on this to Carey's at least twice, well, this would explain why I find this song boring. It seems inoffensive enough, but I can't really offer any more insight than that in fairness, and I'm not interested in it enough to listen for anything that might give me a more specific opinion.

#8: "Come & Get It" by Selena Gomez
Weeks on Chart: 9
Peak: #6
Rank Shift: -1

First of all, I can't help but find Selena Gomez's decision to go solo slightly comforting, as it suggests that the rest of The Scene must have had some degree of creative influence on the work she produced with them, rather than merely being a backup band. Of course, it could also be that her handlers think a solo effort would generate interest and boost sales, but I prefer to be optimistic when it comes to Selena Gomez. She's always struck me as being the smartest of that particular crop of Disney starlets, the sort of person who very well might drink underage but would be sensible enough to do so privately and in moderation. Really, the only obviously dubious choice she's made is in her dating life, and even there, she could have done worse.

But, onto the song. I admit to finding the Indian aesthetic a little strange. Maybe that's unreasonable, maybe it's based on me knowing she's Latina, maybe I've been hearing too much about cultural appropriation on Tumblr lately, but it just seems off somehow. It might be that the actual song doesn't feel like it's taking sufficient advantage of that particular style. I remember being startled the first time I heard the song from the beginning and not just as an isolated snippet of chorus. The whole Indian theme just doesn't feel integrated at all, but rather like it was tacked on at the last minute to add bonus zest to the piece.

Lyrically, this song is a typical I'm-not-jailbait-anymore transition piece, less about idealized feelings and more about hypothetical hookups. When it comes on, I'll listen sometimes, but I find myself mostly deadpanning the "na-nana-nah, na-nana-nah, na-nana-nah" bit and then listening in "meh" silence to the rest, or maybe checking the other stations to see if something more compelling is on.

#7: "Just Give Me a Reason" by P!nk feat. Nate Ruess
Weeks on Chart: 17
Peak: #1
Rank Shift: -3

I should admit at this point that I am a fan of Todd in the Shadows. I watch his stuff and follow him on Twitter. It's true that my opinions often match up with his, but you'll have to believe me when I say I've been criticizing music from the backseat of the carpool group since I was fifteen, and when I found Todd, my immediate reaction was, "phew, it's not just me, after all!"

That being said, he summed up my feelings about this song really succinctly on Twitter a while back:

It's not the worst song, but it's vastly overplayed. It doesn't help that it sounds less like "P!nk feat. Nate Ruess" and more like "fun. feat. P!nk," which was what I actually thought it was the first few times I heard the song. Really, it's two performers that I enjoy -- specifically in small quantities -- put together and played constantly. I sometimes wish I could like this song more, but then I listen to it and realize that, nope, I'm still sick of them whining at each other.

#6: "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons
Weeks on Chart: 41
Peak: #6
Rank Shift: +2

I first heard Imagine Dragons through their free iTunes single, "Amsterdam." It grew on me, little by little. At the same time, I once again had the strange experience of thinking a song was much older than it actually was with "It's Time," which made it to #15 on the Hot 100. I don't know why this happens, but I remember thinking the same thing had happened with Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You." I like to think that it indicates a song that sounds so right that I can't help but believe that I've known it forever. The truth might actually be rooted in how long the song in question charted -- "Because of You" stayed on for 37 weeks, while "It's Time" had 47 weeks. And, more to the point, I liked "It's Time" just fine, though a mental error that mashed it up with Passion Pit's "Take a Walk" makes the actual song pale a little in comparison. Still, I definitely liked it.

"Radioactive" is not like "It's Time," and that might be part of why I love it. It's got this incredible, visceral feel to it. Maybe it's the gasp, and it says a lot about what I think of this song that after many, many hearings on YouTubeRepeater, I still stumble over the words -- even the chorus words! -- but nail that gasp almost every time. I think the dubstep helps this, but that's probably in part because I actually like dubstep. Whatever the specific reason, I do just love this song, and I'm always sad when it's over, which at thee minutes and seven seconds is always far too soon. I really hope this continues to go up the chart, and it's one of the reasons that I'm especially interested in tomorrow's news.

#5: "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly
Weeks on Chart: 36
Peak: #5
Rank Shift: 0

I hate this. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this more than I can adequately explain. I couldn't even get properly happy when Todd in the Shadows reviewed it, because it didn't matter that he agreed with me, the song is still dreck. Part of what especially inspires my hate is how the opening bars blast out of the radio, as if to catch you unawares. And that's terrible, because one listen to the chorus, and it'll be permanently etched in the brain, just waiting to jump out at some inopportune moment to be a horrible, horrible mental non-sequitur.

Apparently, the sans-Nelly version is topping the Country chart right now, too, so even those stations aren't safe. I can't really comment much more on the actual content of the song without basically repeating what Todd said, but I will say this: if hearing "Radioactive" inspires this sort of visceral joy, then "Cruise" is its evil, moving-violation-committing twin brother. Hearing them in succession in that order is the worst, because while hearing "Radioactive" second somehow leaves me neutral, coming off the Imagine Dragons alt-rock high to crash down in the worst of country and hip-hop leaves me feeling worse than if there'd been no "Radioactive" before it at all. I want to see this abomination sink down into the waters of obscurity, and I'm hoping that its lack of chart movement is a sign that it has plateaued.

#4: "Mirrors" by Justin Timberlake
Weeks on Chart: 17
Peak: #2
Rank Shift: -2

I like this better than "Suit and Tie." Watson has observed that this is because a song about being a man who's rocking a really nice suit isn't for me (reason: I am not a man), and while that's logical, it doesn't excuse how desperately dull I find it from a musical standpoint. He counters that "Mirrors" is also a boring song, and while I disagreed at first, I'm slowly starting to agree.

For me, "Mirrors" had two points in its favor, both of which have wilted over time and many listenings. The first was an awareness of Justin Timberlake's recent marriage to Jessica Biel, and the accompanying thought that it's a sweet sentiment for that kind of partnership. Yet, there's still my immediate reaction, which other people (yes, including Todd) have also voiced:

Because, yeah, at the end of the day, this is the case. The second thing I liked about it was how it sounded similar to JT's previous work... which then translates into "bleh, more of the same" boredom. Maybe it's been overexposed, or maybe it's actually not terribly good. Hard to say. Oh well, there's always his next single to look forward to. At least that one's off to a tripping-over-itself start with some seriously ugly single art.

#3: "Get Lucky" by Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams
Weeks on Chart: 8
Peak: #3
Rank Shift: 0

I'll admit, the first time I heard this, I was a little let down by how it's not at all what I was looking for in a Daft Punk song, what with its mellowness. And then I read a bit of an interview which I can't find, where they said that everyone has been making Daft Punk albums for years, so why would they? That won me over. It's a good thing, too, because it's a good dance song and at this point in the list, you probably know how I feel about good dance songs. Now, granted, the lyrics don't paint a picture that I'd want to hang out in -- again, if you've read this far, you probably aren't surprised by this -- but the song's good enough to make that completely irrelevant. Daft Punk still deserve their place at the top of the charts, and if they've plateaued, I hope they, at least, linger up here for a while.

#2: "Can't Hold Us" by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton
Weeks on Chart: 18
Peak: #1
Rank Shift: -1

I love this song. It is a great song. As Watson so rightly put it, it's fantastic to hear a song that's specifically a rapper thanking his fans for making him successful. I know there's some level of disagreement where people who like that Macklemore is a socially conscious rapper draw irate stares from people who were listening to other socially conscious rappers who've been around longer and haven't gotten as much success, and there's other people who find his rhymes a little off, but right now, I'm not here to talk about whether "Thrift Shop" is cultural appropriation (it's not) or if "Same Love" is [insert issues people probably have about "Same Love".] Right now, it's about the music, man, and this song in particular.

There's the one line in "Can't Hold Us" that grabs my attention every time I hear it: "I shed my skin and put my bones into everything I record." If you've ever been involved in the creative process, you should at least understand why I find that line so exquisitely and chillingly perfect. That's really just the centerpiece of why I love this song, though. It's also got a great chorus, in both sound and meaning. It's a genuinely uplifting song; I feel better every time it's on the radio. Also, the music video is awesome, not least because of a scene where Ray Dalton is in a barber's chair on the beach and Macklemore is styling his hair on the beach. It's inspiring and awesome and fun and makes me want to celebrate life and the ones I love.

So you can see, can't you, why I might be upset that it's been unseated from the top of the charts. Especially since it was done by...

#1: "Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke feat. T.I. and Pharrell
Weeks on Chart: 8
Peak: #1, duh
Rank Shift: +6

Six. This is up six spots. I don't know if that says that the charts are stagnant (they are) or if it's just a sign that everything is awful, because this song does not deserve to be in the Top 10, let alone number one. It's dreadful, and it's boring, and it goes on FOREVER. Remember what I said about not really caring for R&B-pop type songs? Guess what: it's worse when you add disco. I would gladly listen to "The Way" and find interesting things to talk about with regards to it if it meant that this terrible thing would die. It's not worse than "Cruise," though, but "Cruise" at least has the decency to not be the top song in America.

See, I initially suspected that this song was getting all its chart buzz from YouTube. You see, back in February, Billboard started counting YouTube hits in its assessment of chart placement. If you ever wondered how "Harlem Shake" ever made it onto your radio, well, now you know that it's entirely your own fault for creating that meme. (You can't pin the chart success of "Gangnam Style" to that, as that song's month in the sun predated this measure... although, its success probably inspired the move to count YouTube views.)

Now, this might seem like a strange assumption for a dreadful nothing like "Blurred Lines"... until you see the music video, which Robin Thicke reportedly had to ask his wife for permission to make. There's an unrated version, you see, in which topless girls dance amidst repeated flashes of #BLURREDLINES and #THICKE. If it's anything like the YouTube-safe version, then it's interminable for viewers who don't get turned on by half-naked women. As Watson so aptly put it, it looks as if the girls were brought onto the soundstage, the music was played, and they were given no further instruction than "dance." They look impossibly bored -- an appropriate reaction to this is-it-seriously-still-going song -- and their dance moves rival those of middle schoolers at their first icebreaker. There's also, at least in the safe-for-work one, a goat. It doesn't do anything except cover the nipples on the blonde model, but, um, it's a goat. Kinky? Oh, and there's also a scene where one model awkward-dances around a wall that says in huge letters "ROBIN THICKE HAS A BIG D."  And, that's about it. No story, just girls awkwardly dancing around this Robin Thicke guy.

So, like I said, I'm obviously the wrong audience for this video, but even the clothed video has millions of hits. I figured that was what had pushed him to the top, but, no, actually. It turns out that prime-time reality shows still have an impact on the public consciousness, because "Blurred Lines" only became prominent after Robin Thicke performed on The Voice (you know, American Idol's younger, prettier, gimmickier cousin). So that's something else you can blame Adam Levine and Christina Aguilera for, right up there with "Moves Like Jagger" and all the rest of their subsequent discography.

I hate this song. It's boring music so monotone that "Come & Get It" sounds emotionally nuanced by comparison. The lyrics are repugnant. And it sticks in your head like no other. "Cruise" has nothing on this, because that case is more like having someone sitting quietly near you who makes sudden loud noises at random moments. "Blurred Lines" snakes like an undercurrent through my thoughts for long, miserable minutes. I caught myself humming to it earlier, except that it wasn't humming, it was more like mouth-breathing a tune. That's right, it's such a bland piece that it can infect breathing unobtrusively. It's awful. I am waiting and hoping to see this mess shuffled down the charts and back into obscurity, but I have this horrible feeling that it won't be budging from its position for at least another week. Still. I can hope, right? Right?


So, that's the top ten songs in America. Sure, some of them are great, but others? Awful. You know what else is awful? How stagnant this chart is. Nine out of ten of those songs were in the top list last week. The only change is that "The Way" bumped "Stay" by Rhianna down, and it's been slowly sinking for weeks. And, even then, #11-20 are essentially just a graveyard of the Top 10 songs that are being phased out for bigger, brighter acts like... (sigh) Robin Thicke, I guess.

And, I mean, I do obviously like some of the songs on this list, but I would really love to see some new blood. Preferably new blood that doesn't put me to sleep, but, you know, I don't want to ask too much. At the same time, there are certainly some songs that I do hope to see in the higher echelons of this chart. I won't say too much more at present, but if any of them do become more prominent (or if the top of the chart continues to move so glacially), I'll cover them in future posts. Until then, I'll content myself with crossing my fingers and hoping my aforementioned hopes.