I have two best female friends. One got married and moved to
Omaha, and I was there to help her prep for the wedding and pack for the move.
The other just started a blog because her mother Strongly Encouraged her to do
so. Granted, it’s not quite the same in terms of scale, but in reviving this
blog, perhaps I can be a supportive friend for her as well. These things are
easier done when you aren’t typing completely into the void. (Obligatory link
to bestie’s blog right here.)
Around when I left off here, I made very confused noises about how
Tumblr was a better content platform for getting hits and clicks and how that
was a better move as a Creator of Things to get Noticed. Or something. I
remember not feeling terribly coherent when writing that post, and I’m
deliberately not reading it lest I be overcome by the temptation to delete it.
I try never to delete past work. Not fanfiction, not journals, not old blog
posts. How else am I to determine growth if I can’t see where I once was? How cringe-inducingly terrible I once was?
Since then, I’ve obtained the sheepskin and somehow managed
to get a job after only a summer of looking about and feeling extremely
self-conscious about the words “Creative Writing” being so highly placed on my
resumé. Was it worth it, I wondered. Did I do the right thing, I dithered. And
then I was hired to work on insurance claim appeals, and all those worries
became like so much dew in the midday sun.
I love my job. Frankly, I am surprised by how happy I am
with this work, because while it does involve writing, it’s hardly glamorous or
even particularly interesting to most people. (It would not surprise me if some
of the members who file appeals barely read our letters past the part where we
state the determination.) Even so, it gives me the chance to help people in a
way that’s direct enough to be palpable but removed enough so that it’s not
draining. It’s rare to be this comfortable in your first paid position after
schooling, so I’m well aware of how fortunate I am. It’ll be a year in the
office this week and a year working on appeals in November.
As I said, I love my job, but maybe I love it a little too
much. Cases exist on a sixty-day timeframe, which sounds like a long time but
really isn’t when you have fifty of the things to keep track of at once. As a
result, I’m already thinking about what my schedule will look like in October:
how many cases are due then, when can I schedule doctor’s appointments, is
there ever going to be time to go out to Madison to see my blogging best
friend, when should I talk to my contract house about renewal... Now, it’s
important to think ahead, but this year of work went by much faster than I
would’ve expected, and I’m not sure I’m happy with what I’ve done in my personal
life in the intervening time.
What have I done, I’m sure you’re wondering? Well, I started
going to the gym during the week (sometimes, with little effect on appearance).
I started volunteering with my church. I dated some people, but nothing
long-term came of it. Various medical issues appeared and were addressed. Many
books were acquired, though I’m not entirely sure about how many I actually
read, nor do I really want to crunch numbers for a ratio.
So where am I now? In many, many ways, I’m in a better
place, yet it feels like I’m getting stuck in a rut. Most damningly, the amount
that I write has slowed down to nearly nothing, and for a while I couldn’t
figure out why. I’m still not sure why the inspiration dried up, actually, but
little by little it’s crept back into my life again. Seeing as I still quite
like writing, it’s a trend I’d prefer to sustain. So, here we are: I’m
piggybacking off Becca’s mom’s insistence that she start a blog in the hopes
that maybe I’ll keep going on this one this time.
If you made it this far, you may be wondering what exactly
is in store, content-wise. That’s fair; A Blog by Numbers has been a varied
platform, which is the charitable way of describing me flinging my written
spaghetti at this white-text-on-black-wall and seeing what was willing to stick.
Since it’s a blog, the sticking criteria had very little to do with the written
spaghetti and very much to do with my interest in writing the noodle itself. If
you feel that this metaphor is getting out of hand, then you’re in good
company.
To answer the question I just presented: uh, honestly more
of the same, but hopefully better. A cool part of growing up is being able to
look back, see mistakes, and declare that you’d quite like to avoid repeating
them. I’m sure new and exciting mistakes will be made along the way because not
all of my ideas are good; on bad days, I’d argue none of my ideas are good and I should forsake the very notion of
being a writer and, oh, I don’t know, become an astrophysicist or something,
because on my worst days I’m simultaneously full of arrogance and
self-loathing.
What I can confirm won’t be returning to this platform are
reviews that can’t be contained to one or two posts. The acerbic reviewer and
fanfiction writers’ hate sink known as Farla was and is a huge inspiration for
me, but I’ve learned that I lack the wherewithal to pick apart media chapter by
chapter. I’m not sure if it’s a lack of creativity, hatred, discipline, or some
other key ingredient on my part, but regardless, that Eldest review remains as a sad testament to my inability to
complete Big Projects like that. I might look at a series of episodes, but I
can’t see myself going down to the line-by-line level. It’s just not where my
talents lie.
Gone too will be weekly statements on pop music, but that’s
also an issue of practicality. I believe I even said in the summer of 2013 that
music charts simply don’t change that much from week to week. You have to look
at them more month to month, or even season to season, to successfully evaluate
a different lineup each time. I can’t help but wonder if that very stagnation
contributes to Todd in the Shadows having slowed down as a reviewer of
contemporary music and increasing his focus on his One Hit Wonderland feature.
(Could also be that, as he freely admitted at one point, contemporary pop is
starting to pass him by, because time makes fools of us all.)
Still, I anticipate there will be content reviews. I already
have several ideas buzzing about my mind as to which contents I might shove
into your faces. After all, I purchased a lot
of books this past year; writing about them helps to justify it on a level
beyond building up my lifetime library. There will also be the standard
bloggable Think Pieces, but only as thoughts occur, and I’m pretty distrustful
of thoughts. They’re not the sort of thing you can set your watch by, is what I’m
getting at.
Ultimately, I want this to help me grow as a writer of
consumable content. That does mean that I do appreciate feedback. If you know
me out in meatspace, you can message me directly in the usual channels or put
comments on the Facebook link that will almost certainly be up. Otherwise, feel
free to use the comments here. I’ve never been shy about wanting critique, and
quite annoyingly it’s a rare commodity. If you have something to say, by all
means, y’all.
That about sums it. Here’s to new beginnings.
No comments:
Post a Comment